We are all aware of the physical and psychological wreckage that the COVID-19 global pandemic has caused. On top of claiming innocent lives both young and old, it has forced countries into tight lockdowns, not forgetting the millions of grieving individuals who are struggling in despair and helplessness, away from the comfort and familiarity of their loved ones. Though Singapore is now preparing itself for Phase 3 of recovery, many are still grappling with their final memories of a dying loved one and were unable to visit them in hospital or say their last goodbye after funerals and cremation procedures had been cut to the bare minimum. The pandemic has not only changed funerals, a widely known way of remembering and celebrating a life, but has also tragically changed the way people grieve and mourn a life lost.
A QUOTA ON FUNERAL OPERATIONS & AFTER-DEATH ARRANGEMENTS
When news of the virus spread in Singapore, it was clear that the country was in a cautious and anxious state. Attendance at funeral wakes had dropped slightly as those who exhibited flu-like symptoms were advised to stay at home in self-isolation. Funeral homes began to monitor the situation closely while the local government prepared its nationwide effort in containing the spread of the virus.
During Singapore’s Circuit Breaker period between April and June 2020, tight restrictions were implemented for the public’s safety and everyone was urged to stay home as much as possible to avoid exposure to risks. This concept was brought into funeral wakes and ceremonies, where the notion of gathering in mourning was off the table and replaced with hushed, shorter procedures like never before.
Many can attest to the camaraderie and sense of remembrance in the air as they engaged in meaningful conversations at funeral wakes, comforting one another while experiencing shared devastation. For others, following through with religious and family customs that span across days and sometimes weeks is a necessary, rightful and proper way to send off a life that has gone on. All this became a thing of the past as the new strict measures placed a cap of 10 visitors at all wakes and services during the Circuit Breaker period.
Perhaps the most difficult change of all, bereaved individuals had to endure grief without the presence of extended family and dear friends. In some cases, there was a need to limit the number of scheduled visits and make the heartbreaking decision to turn guests away. Many families were compelled to hold shorter services over 1 to 3 days before proceeding with cremation or burial, seeing that attendees were encouraged to keep visitations short and even those who could make a visit were not able to be fully present in the moment. Grandchildren were not allowed to give Grandma a final kiss goodbye, and good friends of the deceased would have to carry on without seeing their buddy one last time.
Our very own Funeral Directors and staff witnessed family members cautiously greet each other with just a wave instead of a firm handshake or long hug before proceeding to sit 1.5 metres apart, a sight that was not normal before.
The most notable observation for Adrian Chia (Funeral Director at Serenity Casket & Funerals) would be overhearing families apologise to the deceased for not giving them a proper send-off and shared that they felt a combination of anger, confusion and frustration at the situation.
“There was nothing anyone could do at the time so it’s a bitter feeling. Ultimately, we all knew that these changes were set in place for our safety but it was still not easy to accept or witness”, Adrian recounts with a heavy heart.
Emerging from the Circuit Breaker period, some protocols have been loosened, with the capacity at funeral gatherings increasing from 10, to 20 and now at 30 (as of October 2020). Though this is a consolation to some, it cannot undo the damage that has already been done.
IN THE FUNERAL INDUSTRY
The local funeral industry was dealt with cards that required us to adapt and take action quickly or risk lagging behind, affecting clients’ safety and comfort. Navigating the public’s apprehension to engage funeral directors for services in the midst of a global pandemic meant reassuring them that the funeral operations teams will continue to remain completely safe and healthy. This incurred additional expenses for logistics and provisions such as protective gloves, masks, hand sanitizers and thermometers for our embalmers and operations teams.
Unfortunately, the older generation of Funeral Homes struggled far more than the new age of Funeral Directors did – many ran on their own system of bookings, are not tech savvy and struggled to understand the rationale behind restrictions and news. No one is at their disposal to assist them in adapting to the changes such as generating QR codes and means to purchase safety equipment. The Circuit Breaker proved to be a challenge to many independent funeral homes, but with perseverance and commitment to the trade, we remain standing strong and ever-ready to serve.
It was truly inspiring to find that in other countries, Funeral Homes came up with fresh ideas to allow families and friends to “view” a loved one with drive-through funerals and implemented grief spaces for small groups to share their emotions and thoughts for a sense of togetherness. Kudos to the creative, passionate minds who are constantly reinventing the wheel to allow some sense of normalcy and human connection during an unprecedented time.
BEREAVED FAMILIES & FRIENDS LEFT TO THEIR OWN DEVICES
Families and individuals who went into the circuit breaker period with the news that a loved one had taken their last breath were quite literally paralysed with their emotions, having been told that they could not visit and were likely invited to view the bereavement service via an online livestream or entered their condolences on an online forum.
Without much human connection and support felt, those who are mourning and are in great pain may feel a heightened sense of isolation. During a time of loss, people turn to different means to grieve and process their emotions. Some do not outwardly show their inner struggles while others pour out their thoughts and confide in those they are closer to. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there is definitely a fine line between being healthy and unhealthy. Unfortunately for some, not being able to see the people who normally provide them with comfort, support and encouragement has taken an immeasurable toll on their mental health and sense of self – a topic that affects every single one of us.
It is crucial to acknowledge our emotions and to remember that they are valid. We should not discount ourselves the right to emotional healing and also remind ourselves that these feelings may come and go in waves in the coming weeks, months or years.
Some have expressed life as a “state of limbo” where they have been shocked into not knowing what to do next. With such an immense pain and change in one’s life whilst in the midst of a global pandemic while being away from friends and extended family, there is no telling how difficult things can get. Serenity encourages you to keep going in this journey of lifelong healing and if you are struggling to cope with a loss of a loved one, know that you are not alone and are deeply loved.
IS THIS FOR THE LONG RUN?
Though technology has plugged some loose ends in the bereavement process and provided us with methods to communicate with others seamlessly, there is no denying that a human connection is essential in grieving and processing difficult emotions. This was not possible during the Circuit Breaker and still remains a challenge big families and millions of others around the world who have been at the mercy of uncontrollable circumstances for months on end. It leaves a deeper cut in many who have suffered the loss of a loved one, being forced to cope with change in a situation that requires time, energy and connection with others on top of adapting to life during a global pandemic – many may feel helpless, burdened and anxious of the future and others, completely lost and in need of mental health support.
There is no shame in seeking professional help and we encourage you to speak to someone if this season has affected you beyond recognition or understanding – be proud of yourself for how far you’ve come and grown during such a difficult time, everyone needs a helping hand sometimes.
Since the beginning of 2020, we’ve heard and seen the phrases “please scan the QR code”, “maintain a 1.5 metre distance while queuing” and “use the hand sanitizer provided” almost everyday, and we can sometimes forget that we’ve become rather desensitised to these otherwise bizarre things. It is crucial that we remain supportive of one another and continue to stay socially responsible to tide through this unpredictable, horrifying pandemic as one. Who’s to say if this is the new norm for the next few years or possibly, the unforeseeable future? All we know is that we have to be patient, see the good in everyday life and treasure those we love, while we can.
If you are planning for a funeral, contact us to make arrangements and navigate this period of change with an experienced funeral home. Serenity Casket & Funerals is here for you, 24/7 all year round. Let’s keep fighting the good fight together.